Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic used by narcissists to distort reality and make their victims question their own thoughts, feelings, and memories. This form of psychological abuse can be subtle, but over time, it erodes a person’s self-confidence and sense of reality.

The term “gaslighting” originates from the 1938 British play Gas Light by Patrick Hamilton, which was later adapted into two films, including the famous 1944 Hollywood version starring Ingrid Bergman. In the story, a manipulative husband attempts to drive his wife insane by dimming the gas lights in their home and then denying that anything has changed when she notices. He systematically makes her doubt her own perception, memory, and sanity. Over time, the term “gaslighting” evolved to describe a psychological manipulation tactic in which someone distorts reality to make another person question their thoughts, emotions, and experiences. Today, it is widely used to describe a form of emotional abuse often seen in toxic relationships, particularly those involving narcissists.

If you’ve ever found yourself second-guessing your emotions after a conversation with someone, you may have been gaslighted. Below are 15 common narcissistic gaslighting phrases and how to recognize and respond to them.

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1. “You’re too sensitive.”

📌 What it really means: The narcissist is dismissing your emotions to avoid accountability.
✅ How to respond: “My feelings are valid, and I have the right to express them.”

2. “That never happened.”

📌 What it really means: They are rewriting history to make you doubt your memory.
✅ How to respond: “I remember it clearly, and I trust my recollection.”

3. “You’re overreacting.”

📌 What it really means: They want you to believe your emotions are excessive so they don’t have to address your concerns.
✅ How to respond: “I have the right to feel how I feel. Let’s focus on the issue instead of dismissing my reaction.”

4. “Why are you making such a big deal out of this?”

📌 What it really means: They are minimizing the impact of their actions.
✅ How to respond: “It’s a big deal to me, and I’d appreciate it if you took it seriously.”

5. “You’re imagining things.”

📌 What it really means: They are trying to make you doubt your own perceptions.
✅ How to respond: “I trust my own experiences, and I know what I saw/heard.”

6. “I was just joking. You take everything so seriously.”

📌 What it really means: They are invalidating your feelings by masking their hurtful words as humor.
✅ How to respond: “A joke is meant to be funny for both people, not just one.”

7. “You’re the problem, not me.”

📌 What it really means: They refuse to take responsibility for their actions and shift the blame onto you.
✅ How to respond: “I’m open to discussing our issues, but blaming me won’t solve anything.”

8. “Nobody else has a problem with me—just you.”

📌 What it really means: They want to isolate you and make you question your judgment.
✅ How to respond: “That doesn’t change how I feel about this situation.”

9. “If you loved me, you wouldn’t question me.”

📌 What it really means: They are using emotional manipulation to discourage you from setting boundaries.
✅ How to respond: “Love includes honesty and respect, not blind obedience.”

10. “You’re lucky I put up with you.”

📌 What it really means: They want to make you feel unworthy so you won’t challenge them.
✅ How to respond: “A healthy relationship isn’t about ‘putting up’ with someone—it’s about mutual respect.”

11. “You’re crazy.”

📌 What it really means: They want to discredit you so you doubt your own reality.
✅ How to respond: “My feelings and experiences are valid, and I won’t let you dismiss them.”

12. “You’re making things up.”

📌 What it really means: They are trying to manipulate the truth to control the narrative.
✅ How to respond: “I trust my own memory and experiences.”

13. “You always do this!”

📌 What it really means: They use exaggeration to paint you as unreasonable.
✅ How to respond: “Let’s focus on the current issue instead of generalizing.”

14. “You need help.”

📌 What it really means: They are weaponizing mental health against you to undermine your credibility.
✅ How to respond: “Seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. But this conversation isn’t about that.”

15. “You’re being paranoid.”

📌 What it really means: They want to make you doubt legitimate concerns.
✅ How to respond: “My concerns are real, and I deserve to have them acknowledged.”

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How to Protect Yourself from Narcissistic Gaslighting

✔️ Trust your intuition – If something feels wrong, don’t ignore it.
✔️ Keep records – Write down incidents so you can validate your experiences.
✔️ Set boundaries – You have the right to remove yourself from toxic interactions.
✔️ Seek support – Talk to friends, a therapist, or a support group.

If you’ve been gaslighted, remember: You are not alone, and your reality is valid. 💙

Learn more about narcissistic gaslighting and other covert narcissistic abuse tactics in my book, Unmasking the Covert Narcissist: A Handbook for Understanding, Breaking Free, and Thriving After Intimate Partner Abuse.

Have you experienced gaslighting? Share your thoughts in the comments below! 👇