When most people think of narcissism, they imagine someone who is loud, arrogant, and attention-seeking. However, narcissism comes in different forms, and not all narcissists are easy to spot. While overt narcissists display their grandiosity openly, covert narcissists operate in a more subtle and manipulative way.
Understanding the differences between covert vs. overt narcissism is crucial for recognizing and protecting yourself from narcissistic behavior. In this post, we’ll break down their key traits, behaviors, and how they affect relationships.
What Is Overt Narcissism?
Overt narcissism, also known as grandiose narcissism, is the most recognizable form of narcissism. People with this type of narcissism exhibit confidence, entitlement, and an exaggerated sense of self-importance.
Traits of an Overt Narcissist
✔️ Arrogant and attention-seeking – They crave admiration and will go to great lengths to be in the spotlight.
✔️ Lack of empathy – They disregard others’ feelings and see people as tools for their own gain.
✔️ Exploitative – They manipulate others to fulfill their needs.
✔️ Aggressive or domineering – They lash out when challenged and struggle with criticism.
✔️ Highly competitive – Everything is a contest, and they must be the best.
How Overt Narcissists Behave
🔹 They boast about achievements (real or exaggerated).
🔹 They often interrupt conversations to redirect attention to themselves.
🔹 They may publicly belittle others to feel superior.
🔹 When criticized, they become defensive, angry, or retaliatory.
Example: Imagine a boss who constantly brags about their success, dismisses employee concerns, and takes credit for others’ work while blaming mistakes on the team.
What Is Covert Narcissism?
Covert narcissism, also called vulnerable narcissism, is harder to detect because it hides behind insecurity and passive-aggressiveness. Unlike overt narcissists, covert narcissists don’t appear outwardly grandiose—but they still crave admiration and validation.
Traits of a Covert Narcissist
✔️ Victim mentality – They often portray themselves as misunderstood or mistreated.
✔️ Passive-aggressive – Instead of direct confrontation, they use guilt, silent treatment, or backhanded compliments.
✔️ Hypersensitive to criticism – Even mild feedback can trigger deep resentment.
✔️ Envy and resentment – They secretly feel superior but believe the world is against them.
✔️ False humility – They may appear humble but subtly fish for compliments.
How Covert Narcissists Behave
🔹 They play the victim to gain sympathy and attention.
🔹 They may act introverted or self-deprecating but still expect admiration.
🔹 They use emotional manipulation, making others feel guilty for not catering to them.
🔹 They often envy successful people but pretend not to care.
Example: A friend who constantly talks about how life is unfair to them, dismisses your struggles as “not as bad as theirs,” and subtly undermines your achievements with passive-aggressive remarks.
Key Differences Between Covert and Overt Narcissism
| Feature | Overt Narcissism | Covert Narcissism |
|---|---|---|
| Personality | Loud, confident, attention-seeking | Reserved, insecure, passive-aggressive |
| Reaction to Criticism | Angry, defensive, retaliatory | Silent resentment, victimhood |
| Manipulation Style | Direct exploitation | Subtle guilt-tripping, emotional manipulation |
| Social Behavior | Seeks admiration openly | Seeks sympathy and validation indirectly |
| Sense of Superiority | Brags about being the best | Secretly believes they are superior but feels unappreciated |
How to Protect Yourself from Narcissistic Behavior
Whether dealing with an overt or covert narcissist, setting boundaries is crucial. Here’s how:
✔️ Recognize manipulation tactics – Both types use guilt, gaslighting, and blame-shifting.
✔️ Set firm boundaries – Be clear about what behavior you will and won’t tolerate.
✔️ Avoid trying to “fix” them – Narcissists rarely change unless they seek professional help.
✔️ Seek support – Talk to a therapist or trusted friend if you’re struggling in a narcissistic relationship.
✔️ Limit your exposure – If possible, reduce interactions with toxic individuals.
Final Thoughts
While overt narcissists are easier to spot with their bold arrogance, covert narcissists can be even more damaging due to their subtle, manipulative nature. Both types seek validation, lack empathy, and prioritize their needs over others. By understanding these differences, you can better identify and protect yourself from toxic relationships.
Learn more about the differences between covert vs. overt narcissism in my book, Unmasking the Covert Narcissist: A Handbook for Understanding, Breaking Free, and Thriving After Intimate Partner Abuse.
💬 Have you encountered a covert or overt narcissist? Share your experience in the comments!
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